C A D E

"Since I married Max, people have been telling me that my sexual identity, which is that of a butch lesbian, is invalid because my husband identifies as male. As background, my lesbian parents inseminated in 1979 and I was born and raised in Greenwich Village in this all female lesbian household. I came out at the age of 15 and developed really strong relationships with women who identified as lesbian, many of whom identified as butch lesbians, which informed my butch lesbian identity. I have this queer history and a deep knowledge of who I am. When Max and I started dating, Max identified as being female and as being a lesbian. In the middle of our relationship, Max began his transition which was this beautiful addition. But what is important for me is that my identity doesn't have to change just because my husband's is growing into something else; ‏that my identity is firmly rooted in my past - it connects me to my parents, my aunts, my cousins, my friends. This is something that is intrinsic to me, that is about being an individual in the relationship. And as another point, my identity connects my husband to his lesbian past which he still feels very grateful for and does not want to lose or lose sight of. A lot of society is angry at me, challenged by me, challenging me, and confused by me... therefore annoyed. People say I am not fully accepting of him or the relationship, none of which is true. I just happen to be able to maintain my identity while being part of a larger relationship."