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Marymount Manhattan College

"I’m overwhelmed because I have so many family issues going on. I’m always consumed with work, my personal life, and family. 

Generally I can get through the day, but recently my family has been overwhelming me. My personal habits and my personal life are affected and there is only so much work you can do before you start to fall apart. I go between depression to anger, and I don’t know who to blame. I want to blame God, but I can’t blame something that’s not existent in my opinion.

I don't know - I had a big episode yesterday. I guess my mind is manifested in this idea that I have a set schedule, like this is how things are supposed to go for me today. But when things don’t go as planned, I don’t know who to blame. I don’t want to blame myself, so I blame people around me because it’s a lot easier. I blame my mom because she’s supposed to be there for me. 

But she can’t be because she’s taking care of my grandmother and my uncle. I guess I feel abandoned. When people aren’t there for you, especially during stressful periods you feel like you’re alone. I get upset and angry because this feeling of abandonment makes me unable to trust anyone. And that only makes things worse because there are a lot of things I can’t do on my own when I’m in a bad state. It’s hard. I’ve been struggling like this for three years and I still haven’t figured it out. 

I haven’t been officially diagnosed with anything! I mean, it’s always anxiety or depression. It’s hard to get help when you don’t know what you have. I don’t know if I feel this way because I’m lonely, or jealous, or I’m just sad. And right now I miss being able to spend time with my mom and not having to worry about this person or that person. I think I just want someone’s company. I just want company that pays attention, because it makes me feel happy to be sufficiently recognized and cared for.”

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