"From a young age, I was always so very critical and hard on myself, like I was hard-wired this way. Lucky enough to have a loving family that embraced me and cherished me for I was, I still never felt good enough in anything that I did, I still struggle with that today.

 

As a child I was always a "worry-wart" and had anxiety, but I I got older and entered my later years in elementary school as well as into my middle school years I became extremely conscientious of how I did in school and impressed others, what I looked like to those around me, and perfection was my best friend but it was also my number one enemy. This turned into severe anxiety with panic attacks, depressive episodes, severe exercise compulsion, and a severe eating disorder, anorexia. In and out of outpatient treatment for several years and trying different medications, I felt some relief but always turned back to my eating disorder and perfectionism for comfort. 

Finally hitting my lowest point in 2015 (after many many years of pain and torture), I finally admitted myself into residential treatment for my eating disorder, anxiety, severe compulsive exercising, and other mental health illnesses and it was the best decision I ever made, the decision that literally saved my life. The wonderful medical team at the @renfrewcenter of Philadelphia expressed to me that they could not believe how my body kept me physically going because I was at such a detrimental weight, I was lucky to be alive (and this was coming from working at a job where I was pushing 35-38 hours a week as vet tech). Bound to a wheelchair for one month, my journey towards recovery started and I never looked back.

In all honesty I still struggle on a daily basis but I have the coping skills and supports to get me through the day. 

I can only hope to share my story not only to inspire others to seek help, but also to show them that they are not alone -- that they are worthy of getting help and embracing themselves just the way they are."